


Even the darkness feels bright

by vitaminlink



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Magic, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys in Skirts, Chan has a curse, Cottagecore, Felix is a witch, Fluff and Angst, Lee Felix (Stray Kids) is Whipped, M/M, Not Beta Read, Strangers to Lovers, We Die Like Men, Witches, demon! chan, felix is trying his best, homosexuals just living the cottagecore life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:34:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25699624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vitaminlink/pseuds/vitaminlink
Summary: Bang Chan has been cursed ever since he was born, all because of a run in his dad had with a witch before he was even born. The curse has been impossible to get rid of and Chan has tried everything by now, going from witch to witch to try and undo the curse. All the witches he has gone to has quit after two days, saying the curse is far too twisted and stuck to even try. His last attempt is a witch who’s really skilled but no one knows about, the Lee Felix.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Felix
Comments: 7
Kudos: 96





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i would like to add a trigger warning for this whole series, there will be mentions of:
> 
> drowning  
> blood  
> violence  
> christian guilt  
> emotional manipulation  
> and maybe other things. 
> 
> i will trigger warn each chapter with these topics !! if you are uncomfortable with anything mentioned please be cautious when entering this fic or stop by the chapters with these mentioned warnings !! i love you all and remember your mental health is more important than some fan fiction.

Chan had tried almost everything at this rate. At first everything had been pretty tame, crystal cleansing, energy cleaning, simple potions, the typical witchy things. Before he had been led down a path of cult like rituals, to him literally just drinking fancy salt water and almost drowning three times. Yet after each and every time he tried the outcome was always the same. Chan was never going to get better.

It was getting tiring and he was almost ready to give up, deciding to give it one more chance after he heard of the most powerful witch in all of Northern Europe, the world maybe. The witch went by the nickname of ‘The Sun.’ Claimed by many that they could heal each and ever curse presented to him. They never disappointed a soul, every person to walk out of their cottage claimed to be completely healed.

From what he had been told this witch would easily take away his curse. You had to get a recommendation to go to ‘The Sun,’ luckily enough for Chan he ended up in the hands of the witch Han Jisung who had been good friends with the witch. The boy graciously giving him a recommendation to the other witch after spending six months with Jisung as he tried to heal his curse, and failed. He would never blame it on the squirrel-like boy, countless others have tried to and failed just like he has. At least Jisung didn’t try and kill him this time after seeing him in his truly cursed state, real bro move.

That’s why he was here now, completely out of breath as he finally makes it to the cottage in the forest that the infamous witch lives in. The rain pouring down, he was barely protected by the black hoodie he had pulled over in the morning. It was obvious he had not expected to rain, he didn't. There were no clouds, it just started to pour halfway through his walk here and had drenched him since. His lips form into a line, he should’ve made sure that Jisung was a more reliable source before he hauled himself out here in the rain. Noted he lived with him for six months and trusted the boy to get rid of his curse, but the boy liked to play pranks more than Chan would like to admit he called for. He wasn’t even sure if Jisung actually sent him to the right place, that boy had a horrible sense of direction. Well, he was here now wasn’t he? If Jisung was wrong Chan could always go back and tell him.

Bringing a hand to the doorbell and ringing it. Again, he’s here anyways might as well give it a try. It doesn’t even look like this house should have a doorbell, the doorbell looks out of place. This place looks so mysterious and old fashioned he’s not even sure how anyone could live here. He gets it’s nice to embrace tradition and be away from things like technology and society, but this is too much for his liking. He wasn’t even sure if he would ever make it too a house if he followed on that ominous path, overgrown shrubs and grass now covering the cobblestone that had once probably been great. Whoever lived here had to be ancient. 

He spots a cat in one of the upper floors windows. It’s yellow eyes looking at him with what he hopes is wonder, and if it’s not wonder he’s not too sure the cat likes him all too much. He’s not able to get a very good look at it due to the rain and his own wet dark hair getting into his eyes and distorting his view. The cat soon turns into a orange and white blob due to the distortion of his view before disappearing completely behind the white curtain. He hears steps as he wipes his eyes from the rain and his hair. When he opens his eyes again the door is swinging open, a small boy with orangish hair and freckles appears infront of him offering Chan a smile. Is this really the witch? He’d think that ‘The Sun’ would be a lot older, wiser looking. Not some boy who looks like he barely came out of his late teens.

“I’m Felix, or as the world of witches has gifted me the name of ‘The Sun,’ it’s nice to meet you. You must be Chan, Jisung told me you’d be here. Come in it’s pouring out there,” Felix rambles, seemingly having a hard time talking to Chan. Fiddling with his white and yellow plaid sweater and stepping aside to let Chan in. Felix’s voice almost scares him with how low it is, how can someone that looks like the softest and sweetest person alive sound like _that._ He shakes his head and steps into the cottage, if he stays out any longer he’s sure to get a cold. As soon as he does so there’s a cat at his feet brushing up against his legs, it looks like the one that was peering at him through the upper window. 

“Don’t mind Innie, he’s just making sure you’re the right person,” Felix vaguely says, it doesnt make much sense to Chan but it seems like he passed the test when Innie happily wonders off. He toes off his boots, noticing how Felix is only in a pair of muted yellow fuzzy socks and how his own boots are caked in mud. Standing awkwardly on the indoor welcome mat causing Felix to laugh. Maybe if he wasn’t so bitter he would’ve laughed with him, he doesn’t really se what’s funny though.

Chan takes a quick look around, wanting to get more formalized with the place he’ll probably be staying for the next six months to a year. The living room, kitchen and dining room all have sort of an open plan vibe and are all connected together into one space. The kitchen has a lighter theme, reminding him of one of the kitchen’s from an older house. Everything in the house feels older than the person living here. It’s odd, not unheard of, just odd.

“You don’t talk much do you Chan?” Felix asks, adjusting the white beret on top of his orange hair. Chan shakes his head, it’s not that he can’t he just doesn’t feel like doing it. He doesn’t trust Felix enough to talk right now. Felix just laughs again, seeming pleased that he got a reaction out of Chan. “Well, if Jisung didn’t tell me about your curse before I would’ve guess that you were just stuck with not talking. Ah- I’m rambling, let me show you to your room Chan. I’ll leave you to get changed and comfortable, I know how hard it can be when you first do this…”

“Okay… Thanks,” Chan says, letting the fairy like boy grab onto his hand and lead him down a small hallway, up the stairs and then to the third door on the right. Opening the door cautiously almost as to not scare whatever was in the room, or maybe in this case the cat lounging around on what Chan assumes to be his new room for the next couple of months.

“This is your room, I hope it isn’t too small or cramped. I tried to move things around to your liking and tried to make it more, you. Though I don’t know much about you so I hope I wasn’t too far off,” Felix sheepishly admits, trying to shoo off the black cat on the bed. The cat hops off the bed reluctantly after waking from its nap and staring blankly at the male for acouple of seconds. Squeezing past Chan not paying him much mind, probably too occupied thinking about it’s next sleeping area.

“Sorry about Binnie, he’s been using this space as a napping area throughout the day. Can’t blame him it’s not like anyone stays in here much, just collects dust,” Felix tries to explain to him. It doesn’t really need to be explained, it was just a cat sleeping. He doesn’t say anything to the boy and just gives a curt nod to show the other he was listening. 

Chan cant really complain about the room, it’s nice. Even though Felix said he tried to ‘make it more you’ (whatever that means), he’s not too sure he did a good job at that. He’s more into darker colour schemes and this room is well… pretty bright, like the rest of the house. The bed is a queen sized and decorated with an old looking floral quilt, like one he would’ve found at his grandma‘s place when he was visiting as a child. There’s a light wood nightstand on the right side of the bed, which was also the side not pressed up against the wall. A desk is up against the wall adjacent to the bed, more centred and under a window lined with small white curtains with floral patterns. So close to the door it almost bumps into it when you open the door is a dresser, it looks too big for the room cancelling out about a sixteenth of the already small area. There’s a small beige carpet desperately trying to cover up the dark wood floor, sloppily placed on the floor. The floor is actually beautiful Chan’s not sure why Felix wanted to cover it up.

“It’s great, thank you,” Chan lies, offering Felix a half smile that probably doesn’t do to well of covering up the fact that this room is indeed not his type at all. Felix looks overjoyed to hear Chan say that, his face lighting up just at the fact the Chan said the bare minimum about the room. Felix took the bait. He almost feels bad for Felix, almost. He’s probably so lonely here that anything that Chan says is a blessing to his ears.

“That’s great!” Felix cheers, coughing afterwards to cover up his excitement. It doesn’t work as well as Felix thinks it does and Chan can tell from how he continues on. “Uh- well- I’ll leave you to go get yourself cleaned up and uh- organized,” he continues, rubbing at his reddening ears. Chan nods, hauling his soaked at most and damp bare minimum luggage into the room.

“Oh- before I leave,” the orange haired boy pipes up, grabbing onto Chan’s forearm as a means to stop him like he was actually going to go anywhere. “My room is the door at the end of the hallway, the bathroom you can use is the door closest to yours on the right on the other wall. I’ll give you a tour tomorrow, you must be tired right now,” he mumbles, shifting his weight from foot to foot. Chan holds back a laugh at how nervous the boy seems, giving him a thumbs up not trusting himself to not laugh if he opens his mouth.

Felix waves goodbye to Chan, slowly closing the door just like he did to open it. There wasn’t any reason to do so this time, but Chan was grateful that the other boy did so. Just before Felix fully closed the door the black cat from before raced into the room and hopped onto the bed. It went unnoticed by Felix if the fact that the cat was still in Chan’s room by the time he assumed Felix had wandered off to do whatever was any indication. He stared at the cat for a second.

“Well, it’s just me and you now buddy,” Chan sighs out, walking over to sit next to Binne and scratch behind his ear. The cat lets out a small purr, happily settling down in a ball beside Chan. “Time to unpack.” He says the last part mostly to himself, but also to inform the cat to not be scared when he starts moving things around. It’s not like the cat can understand him, he has no idea why he even said that. Despite not being too much of a cat person, he doesn’t mind the two cats here. They seem friendly enough, plus it’s not like he’s going to spend the rest of his life with them anyways. 

He gets up and off the bed to head over to his luggages opening then up. He doesn’t have much to unpack, meaning he’s probably going to be able to head to bed early. Thank goodness for it he’s so tired he might pass out. Letting out a small sigh and rubbing at his tired eyes. It didn’t help that Felix just kept going on and on too. Does he ever know when to shut up? Don’t answer that, he already knows well enough that the answer is no.

His body wants to collapse as soon as he gets to work, a testament to how tired he is. Why couldn’t there be an easier path to this house? Luckily he’s seemed to dry off quite a bit since he first got here, he’s less uncomfortable and more just oddly cold. Still he’s still going to need to change once he’s done. Everything seems so tiring he’s not even sure he wants to do that. He’s going to have to unpack now or tomorrow morning and he’s probably going to be horribly sore tomorrow, it’s best to do so now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey ! hoped you enjoyed this chapter , feel free to comment or leave kudos 🥺 i’ll try and update this every week to two weeks. can’t promise much though haha.
> 
> follow me on twt — bussdownhoshi


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i would like to put a trigger warning for drowning at the beginning. please pick up after the italic text if you are affected by the trigger warning. love you :)

_ It’s so dark and cold down here, it’s impossible to breathe. He wants to scream and thrash around, cry, rip himself to shreds. Something please, all he can feel is numbness all around his body. There’s someone holding him under the water. He can’t tell who it is. That’s good, he doesn’t want to know who’s doing this to him. _

_ He can hear sobs despite the water muffling his hearing. It sounds like his mom. Oh- It’s this dream again. He opens his eyes to find himself in his ten year old selves body, finds horns on top of his head, a thin tail with a spear like tip and can feel the beats of wings as he thrashes about. He’s a monster, even his own mom thinks he is. She hates him... What hurts most is that she’s right to hate him. He can’t even blame her for hating him. He’s caused nothing but pain for her. It would be best to take him out of her life, take him out of his own misery. That’s what the priests say anyways. It’s unfair, this isn’t even his fault. He didn’t do anything to deserve this besides be born to the wrong man. _

_ The water stings his eyes, he wants to cry too. Even if he does, does it really matter when he’s underwater anyways? When no one can hear him? He’s not entirely sure, he feels like crying. He probably would have a tear stained face if he wasn’t underwater right now. He’s a mistake. A failure. _

_ ”I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” It’s hard to hear at first, but he can make out the mantra his mom is letting out. Her voice cracking, as her grip on him loosens letting him bob up and take a breath of air soothing his lungs from the stinging pain. _

_ Why does she feel bad? _

_ He can feel himself become dizzy as the lack of air is getting to him. The sobbing gets harder and less bearable to hear. Why did he have to be born like this? The other kids never seemed to have this problem? She sounds like she’s in so much pain, like she doesn’t want to do this. It’s her only option though isn’t it? He would do the same to himself if he had the choice. He lets himself go limp, it’s the best option he has for. it’s him and his mom. Closing his eyes as he let his fate happen to him. His lungs burn for air, but wth how he’s being held down he’s not sure he’s going to get air at all. It’s what’s needed, the best option for his mom and himself and everyone that he ever knew. _

_ He’s gone, and it’s fine. He’s content... _

* * *

Chan jolts up from his dream, gasping for air like he actually was drowning. Like it wasn’t a dream. He runs a hand through his hair, peering at the clock as best as he can despite it being placed in such an inconvenient place. Coughing from the sharp intake of air earlier. The sun blinds him as it shines through the window happily. An odd feeling washes over him, almost like the sun shouldn't be shining that brightly when his mood is so sour. The horns on his head have reduced to just small bumps on either sides of his upper forehead. Feeling them a little and wondering how he was able to sleep through the whole transformation. He presses down on the little bumps, like it will help them go down, and it gives a dull pain.

There’s a sting on his arms too, scratches adoring his skin. Must’ve happened in his sleep again. This happens too many times, it has been happening less recently, but it was a given after he stayed in bed all night. The demon inhabiting his body… or maybe he was the demon… still whoever didn’t know how to handle the claws very well despite having them for around twenty three years now. He lets out a defeated sigh, they’re going to take a while to heal.

He usually wakes up in the middle of the night writhing and crying before blacking out once he gets into his demon form and then waking up back in his bed or in some random area he has to drag himself back home from in the morning. It's usually a fright and pretty hard to explain to the person that he was staying with that he was indeed not trying to purposely run away or eat their goat or even destroy their garden, but in fact he doesn't even remember it.

Most of the time people get it... Well, now that he normally stays with witches they get it and try to help him through the night. The help never lasts though because eventually they realize how bad the curse is, tell him that he can't help him and send him on his way to the next person's house and the cycle repeats. He's tired of... Chan's thinking too much for the morning. He could always go back to sleep, there's no one telling him that he can't plus, he doubts Felix cares enough to actually wake him up this early or check on him. It wouldn't hurt, he already feels tired enough to fall back asleep. His head falls onto the pillow with a soft 'thump' as he tries to go back to sleep.

There's a knock on the door before Chan is actually able to fall asleep again. Letting out a small huff and rolling out of the queen sized bed. The bottom of the white and yellow quilt falling to the floor as his feet reached the floor. Grabbing the shirt he had on last night from the desk's chair and slipping it on before heading over to the guest bedroom's door and opening it. He's washed over with the scent of apple pie as soon as he opens the door. Felix stands there, this time in a dark green and white striped shirt tucked into ripped light washed jeans, holding a plate of apple pie. Chan honestly has no idea how Felix is able to dress up so well everyday.

"Hey, did you sleep well? I- uh-" Felix clears his voice and looks down a little, shifting his weight to each foot before looking back at Chan and basically shoving the plate of apple pie into his chest. "I made you apple pie... I don't know if you like it, I like it so that's why I made it... It's okay if you don't like it though, you don't have to like it. I just wanted to do something nice, but that shouldn't compel you to eat it or any-"

"It smells amazing, thanks a lot Felix," Chan says, cutting off the freckled boy. 

Felix basically glows at the compliment, just shyly nodding his head and mumbling something on the lines of 'it's nothing.' Chan really only said that because he felt if he didn't Felix would've gone on for the rest of the day and he really wouldn't be able to handle that. He takes the plate gingerly from Felix's hands, noticing how the boy was basically just vibrating with excitement from the bare minimum sentence he gave the other. There's a couple of moments of silence before Chan tries to close the door, but Felix's hand stops the door before he can. It angers Chan just a little bit, but he can't really complain can he.

"So- uh- Are you doing anything right now? If you're not I can tour you around the house after you're done eating and maybe we can try and work out the basics of your curse today..." the orange haired boy hums, trying to start up the conversation again not wanting to let it go.

"Sure... you wanna come in then?" Chan sighs out, trying not to sound as tired as he actually is. He just wanted to enjoy this apple pie in peace man... he still steps aside though, now fully offering Felix to come into the room.

"Okay!" Felix exclaims, eyes lighting up. Chan almost thinks it's cute as he gives the older a smile and settles down on the desk chair because even if Felix is nosy and annoying at least he knows about personal space. He soon follows behind the lighter haired boy and sits on the bed instead, seating the plate of food on his lap after getting settled. The fork that was placed lopsided on the plate clings around a bit as he does so. 

He takes a bite from the apple pie as Felix watches to see his reaction, it's kind of weird for someone to watch you eat and it makes him squirm a little. He throws up a quick thumbs up to satisfy an eager Felix, who seems satisfied with the answer if noted by how he basically started to shake afterwards. It took a quick second for the taste to actually hit his mouth and him to realize how good the other's cooking actually was. Probably one of the best he's had in a while, did Felix actually cook this? He's not sure he's eaten something this good in a while, noted Jisung didn't know how to cook and almost burnt down his (very nice) kitchen in the six months he was staying with the boy. He lets out a hum before shovelling another forkful into his mouth, not even done with the first bite.

"Did you make this yourself? Like completely, from scratch?" Chan asks, mouth full of apple pie as crumbs fly out. He doesn't even feel embarrassed when Felix laughs at him, he's too busy trying to fit more into his mouth. Cheeks puffed out like a squirrel and he's almost reminded of Jisung with how he's eating right now if he wasn't hyperfocused on Felix.

"Yeah, I did. Is it really that good?" Felix asks in a hushed voice, scooting the chair closer to Chan to watch him in what could resemble admiration, but Chan's not quite sure.

Instead of pondering on it too much he instead just lets out a hum of appreciation at Felix's hard work before taking a big gulp and trying to eat more. Felix laughs again, this time he's not trying to hide it and Chan can feel his chest tighten and his head get lighter at the boy's laughter. It's cute... His laugh is cute.

“Chan… what happened?” Felix asks, catching him off guard. What is Felix talking about? He looks up at the boy again, eyebrows furrowing together. It takes him a second to realize that Felix means the scratches on his arms. It takes all of his will power to not shy away and want to cover them.

“Oh- uh- With the whole curse thing, I get like these big claw looking things whenever I uh- turn y’know. Apparently I still suck at keeping them out of my way so they tend to scratch me at night. Nothing extreme I promise,” the older states, giving the younger a smile.

“Okay, as long as there’s nothing going on-“ Oh- he’s worried about THAT.

“Don’t worry, I haven’t done something like that in years. I promise.”

Felix smiles.

“Okay! If you want I can try and put a healing balm on them and wrap them?” The witch offers, getting up and out of the desk chair.

“You don’t have to!”

“No- no I insist. Sit tight I’ll be back in a second,” and with that Felix is up and out of the room, leaving Chan by himself for now as Felix gets… whatever he’s getting.

The black cat, Binnie, he has no idea, wanders into the room. Jumping onto the bed beside Chan and snuggling up beside him, but not before sniffing the apple pie. He’s happy that at least one of the cats likes him, or seems to. Honestly Binnie seems to care more for food and sleeping than anything else and Chan can respect that. He takes off a piece of the apple pie’s crust and holds it out for Binnie, the cat peeking up and gently taking it into his jaws and gobbling it up. Chan laughs as the cat stares at him again, begging him for more. He just shakes his head at the cat, taking another bite of the pie.

“Oh- I see Binnie’s joined us. He seems to like you,” Felix points out as he puts down his supplies on the bedside table. Chan and Binnie both jump up a bit at Felix’s voice, not expecting him to come back so early.

“Oh- Sorry for scaring the two of you,” the orange haired boy jokes, laughing at the skittish behaviour of the both of them. “Uh- Chan can you put the apple pie on the nightstand and hold out both of your arms.”

Chan nods, setting the Apple pie down gently to not upset Binnie before sticking out his forearms to expose the scratches well. 

“Perfect! Now this might sting just a little, if it hurts too much please tell me.”

Chan nods, Felix opening up the small container of ointment and putting some onto his fingertips. Looking at the other before gently applying it to the scratches. Chan hisses a bit but let Felix continue without much complaint, closing his eyes until Felix can confirm that he’s done. The ointment is cold at first, then it starts becoming warmer as it settles in. It’s probably from the fact that it stings a little… He hears the younger let out a snicker but doesn’t say much as he moves to apply the ointment to the next arm.

“Okay I’m done with the ointment, I’m just going to wrap up your arms then you can get back to eating,” Felix says, reaching over to get the gauze from the nightstand.

Chan opens his eyes back up as Felix wraps the white fabric around his forearm. The witch humming a small tune as he cuts and ties the gauze before setting the rest of the budle down onto the nightstand again.

“The gauze will let the ointment settle into the skin without the scratches being irritated,” he explains, Chan just nodding along as he looks at his arms. He kind of looks like a character from  _ Street Fighters _ and he couldn’t be happier. 

“Thanks Felix.”

“Its’ nothing, really,” The boy hands him the plate of apple pie again before he gets up to put the materials back into the bathroom.

Once he’s done Chan sets the plate down on the nightstand gently almost as not to startle Binnie too much. He’s not entirely sure why he did that since the cat doesn’t really seem to care in the first place.

"So, are you ready for the house tour?" Felix pipes up, peeking his head back into the room and noticing that Chan is finally done. The latter jumps up and looks at Felix, nodding. The orange haired boy taking one of the older boy's hands in his own and hoisting him up to(or at least trying to as Chan mostly stood up on his own) before he had a chance to answer. Dragging to boy back down stairs and to the front door before starting on the house tour.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading !! follow me on twt @bussdownhoshi


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apololgize for the late update, school has recently started and everything has been really stressful and i haven't bee able to devote myself to this series updates might start being more all over the place and i apologize beforehand for that. Thank you for understanding !!

"And so that's the house. It's not the most impressive place, but it's very homely," Felix says, clapping his hands together. Chan has no idea how someone can talk that much, he's sure Felix has been rambling off about the multitudes of rooms and functions of the house for a good hour or two. It was almost as if Felix was trying to sell Chan the house. Also, for Felix to call his place 'not impressive' was a slap in the face because this place had so many rooms and hidden places and wonderful furniture and Cha didn't have the mind to even explain how much he's been wowed by the house alone.

"I hope I didn't bore you too much with that tour..." Felix adds, noticing the silence from the older.

"You didn't don't worry. Sorry for not talking much, I was just so amazed by the house," Chan tries, not wanting to upset the other.

Felix seems satisfied with the answer, giving Chan a big smile and grabbing onto his hand again out of pure excitement. The older is slightly startled by the sudden touch and almost pulls back before he sees the look on the younger's face when he tries, he doesn't have the heart to try and pull away just letting the younger hold onto his hand with his much smaller ones. He never realized how small Felix's hands were before now. That's so cute, it almost makes him want to pocket the witch. Watching in amazement as Felix's hand is barely able to cover his palm.

"You want to get to work on the curse, or are you hungry? I could get to work on a meal if you're hungry, but if not we can head over to my office and try and sort out the energy of the curse," the witch says, starting to play a little bit with Chan's fingers almost as if he's nervous. 

"We can work on the curse right now I'm not too hungry," Chan says, nodding his head to reassure Felix, which the boy returns. He's once again led off by the younger, this time to his study.

The study is dark, blackout curtains covering the one and only window in the room. The only sources of light being small candles scattered around the room and certain potions that glow all sorts of amazing colours. Felix stating it's dark to preserve the ingredients and some certain potions as he fumbles to light a match stick so he can light the candle on his desk. Chan settles on the plush armchair adjacent to the one Felix is sitting in, a grand dark wood desk separating them. As the witch fumbles to light the candle Chan takes his time examining the mess on the table as he wasn't about to do it earlier. It's mostly just a mess of documents, recipes and doodles, nothing too noteworthy besides the occasional dried press flower. Felix squeaks when the match is lit, scrambling the light the candle. Blowing out the match after the candle is lit, the freckled boy drops the match into a water cup. 

“So, we can start with me explaining what I’m going to do. I would suggest to be comfortable as this might be long,” Felix says, dropping into the comfort of his plush desk chair. 

He waits for Chan to give a nod before starting.

“Okay so first, I’m going to get a feel for the energy and kind of like aura around your heart and head. Those are normally where curses reside. I would like for you to be nice and relaxed while we do that so that instead of getting any don’t of your negative energy, I’ll just be getting the curses. Oh- I’ll make you a tea for that. Tea is good for relaxing… I think…”

Felix furrows his eyebrows together, before just shrugging and opening a small drawer.

“Ah- I don’t seem to have a clean cup here… Hold on.” Felix clears his throat. “Innie! pst pst, Innie.” The orange haired boy calls out. 

Chan hears scrambling from down the hallway before the white and orange tabby trots happily into the room. Jumping up onto the desk filled with a mess of paper. Felix means over and whispers something to the cat and, did Innie just nod? He doesn’t have time to compute whatever that cat did before it’s scrambling excitedly out of the room and downstairs again.

“I’ll give him a second…” Felix says through the silence, giving Chan’s attention back to the witch.

“Anyways, while we wait for Innie I’ll continue. After I do that, we can sort out what to do first for your curse. I’m assuming this curse is VERY tangled up though… Y’know since it’s been through so many hands and has presumably gotten worse over the years. Am I correct?”

“Yeah…” Chan nods, shifting in his chair uncomfortably at the change in the boy's aura. Felix seems a little more stern and serious… it’s odd compared to his normally bubbly personality.

“Good! Well we’re going to have to do that after I get a feel for the curse and it’s aura. Don’t worry it won’t hurt at all! The untangling might bring up some slight pain and uncomfortable or bad thoughts and memories. If it does get too bad please tell me, your mental health and safety is more important than anything else. Okay?”

Chan nods and Felix gives him an honest smile. It brightens the mood a lot, reminds Chan that he shouldn't be scared of the other boy. He’s Felix after all, and Felix wouldn’t hurt a fly.

Innie trots into the room triumphantly with a glass cup in his jaws. He’s dragging it over to Felix carefully, and it looks like a hassle for the small cat. He was surprised that the tabby even managed to carry that all the way upstairs without toppling over. Felix looks so pleased with the cat, gingerly taking the cup from the cat and rewarding him with a couple of scratches on his head. The cat seems to enjoy it’s reward. Felix places the cup on his desk as the cat trots off.

“Hey Chan can you turn on the kettle, it’s on the table to the right?” Felix asks, digging through one of the lower cabinets. Chan lets out a low hum as he gets up to let Felix know that he heard him. He has to move a couple of papers and potion bottles before he can turn on the kettle safely. Felix really lives in this clutter… Well, this room is one of the worst, most of the house is spotless. Chan can’t really complain.

He settles back into his seat after the kettle is turned on, the soft whistle of the kettle and Felix still digging around one of the lower drawers cutting through the silence. The other boy peeked his head above the table for a quick second to ask what his favourite tea was before ducking back down, reminding Chan of Felix’s own cats. Felix came up once again this time with a peach flavoured tea bag, placing it into the glass cup.

“The water should be heated enough now, so if you want to go and get the kettle that would be great!” Felix says, giving Chan a smile that he had started to associate more with the boy as the day went on.

The human scoots his chair back a little and reaches out for the kettle, making sure it was secure in his hands before scooting him and his chair back over to Felix. The witches face lit up as he took the kettle into his hands. Placing one of his tiny hands on top of the kettles too to make sure none of the water spilled out while he was pouring it into the cup. Chan offered to put the kettle back before sitting back down in his seat and picking up the cup of tea.

“While you enjoy that you don’t mind if I go more in depth about what I’m going to and why… I feel like you’d want to know whatI’m going to be doing to you and why I’m doing it,” Felix sheepishly says, losing any and all charisma he had prior. This boy honestly gives Chan whiplash. 

He barely has time to nod before Felix is off and rambling about the procedure.

“I’ll mostly be checking around the head and the heart areas, since curses like yours mostly reside around those areas. I could also check near the feet, but if I’m being honest I doubt a witch, even the one who cursed you would do something near your feet. Not because they had to keep a foot fetish off of their record, but because the feet connect you to the earth and the curses linked there are normally something no baby witch would know about, so i doubt they’d even try it. Note that the witch that cursed you tried a morphing curse, but everyone hears about them when they first start out so it’s more likely the attempted than a grounding curse.”

Chan’s not one-hundred percent sure what Felix is talking about, but it’s making enough sense for him to give a nod when Felix pauses during talking. He’s become more grateful for Felix’s ability to seemingly talk nonstop, he’s always been a better listener.

“It’s harder to curse something that connects you to something other than yourself. While the heart and brain connect your emotions and thoughts to your body than something that connects you to the  _ earth _ . I wouldn't even attempt that, those curses are horrid.”

Chan sets his cup down as he listens to the orange haired boy seemingly continue to ramble about the subject, he’s happy he’s finally getting everything explained in full. 

“Well, since you’ve seemed to calm down more, would you like to start?” Felix prompts, Chan nods.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed the chapter!
> 
> follow me on twt - @bussdownhoshi


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW for Christain guilt, drowning,

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> schools really been kicking my ass recently and i apologize for long i took to update, i'll try and update more vv soon !!

“You ready?” Felix asks, dragging his own chair to now be seated right in front of Chan’s without the desk separating them.

The older boy nods, closing his eyes like Felix instructed him to earlier. Once Felix starts it almost feels like he’s reaching into Chan himself, ripping each and every single part of him. Yet, the feeling wasn’t uncomfortable, it was almost like he was being ripped apart and finally be put back together properly. Felix wasn’t even touching him, yet he felt every movement the boy made with his hands, every tremble, twitch and pinch. It was odd.

The pain subdued only now becoming a faint dull hum throughout his body. Quick glances at memories flashing so vividly almost like he was reliving them. His brain shuffled through the memories before seeming to finally pick one, just as he could feel Felix reach the metaphorical knot.

* * *

_ “Mom, why can’t I stay for Matthew’s sleepover?” Chan asks, tugging on his mother cardigan. She just lets out a sigh, holding a painfully tight smile full of sympathy, eyes tear filled. _

_ “Chan, sweetie, you're different. I don’t want those other kids to make fun of you,” She tried to reason, kneeling down to Chan’s level.  _

_ They’re true friends though they wouldn’t make fun of him… Plus, isn’t Chan normal? Chan wants to argue more with her, but the pain on her face tells him it’s not a good time. Just nodding his head and continuing the quick paced walk home to get home before it’s too late. _

_ He stays quiet for now, this will all make sense when he’s older. _

* * *

_ “Ma’am it would be best to…” the pastor's voice trails off as he gives Chan a fake smile before looking at his mom, “...put him to rest.” _

_ “I’m not killing my son!” His mom protests, eyes wide as she stands up. Her words hit Chan like a train, kill him? Why would they need to do that? Chan’s fine. There’s nothing wrong with him. Chan’s just like every other kid. He looks at his mom and then the pastor, eyes wide and brimming with tears. Whipping the tears as best as he can, but they keep spilling. _

_ “Ma’am your son is the antichrist! you have to do something now or you’re going to end up dead, or hurt, or i don’t know,” The pastor says, his voice raising slightly. They’re just completely ignoring Chan, yet it’s him they’re talking about. It’s his life they’re talking about taking away. He gulps, is he really that bad? Is he really… the antichrist… He can’t be, right? _

_ “He’s also just a child! Can‘t you do something? An exorcism maybe? Anything? Or are you too dumb to even know what to do with a child in your care?” She spits at the pastor, tears starting to well up in her own eyes. _

_ “Ma’am I can promise you we’ve tried everything we can, your son is hopeless. Putting him to rest would be best right now, drown him and the demon in holy water and neither will ever rise again I promise. So what’s best for our town, yeah?” The pastor reasons, putting a hand on her knee. _

_ She tried to drown Chan the next day. _

* * *

_ It’s raining outside, Chan’s hand is placed on his chin as he looks outside the window watching as the raindrops run down the window. He can hear fainted yelling in the background, probably just his parents yelling at each other again about what they should do with him. He brings his hand down from his chin to fiddle with his hands, cracking his knuckles experimentally. The sound is extremely loud in his room, bouncing off of the excessive rosaries and posters and the wall. Like the crosses on the wall will help, he’s been getting worse ever since a couple years ago… Ever since his own mother tried to drown him. Granted it was deserved, he wished he died from it. _

_ Instead of just growing the tail, the sharper teeth, the wings and the horns, he’s started to black out completely during certain points of the night. He’s heard he becomes very odd during those times, hissing at the rosaries on the wall, gurgling and saying unintelligible things. The scratches on his bedside wall and body seems to be proof of this. Chan just wants to be normal. He’s dying to be normal. _

_ “You can’t just send me away because you think it’s best for me!” Chan screams at his mother, he’s never been this angry before and it’s almost like he can feel the horns want to press up from his head again. Those big dumb ram-like horns that adores the top of his forehead and curl out the sides of his head everytime he does anything now. He hates them, he hates himself. _

_ “Chan please listen to me, I’ve tried everything to make you normal and this school promises that they can make you better. I just want you to live a normal life Chan-“ her voice breaks near the end, and she takes a breath, “-please Chan… please.” _

_ Chan’s too mad right now to even properly reply to that, instead going off on his own rant.  _

_ “You know how much those dumb Christian’s hate me, you know it better than anyone else. So why do you trust them with me alone? They’re going to dig up my heart and drown me and rip out the stupid horns from my head. They’ll chop the stupid bat wings off of me in my sleep and i’ll be dead before we know it,” he laughs, there’s bile pooling at the back of his throat. _

_ “It’s too late Chris… they’re coming tomorrow…” _

_ He’s never felt so alone in his life. _

* * *

_ He’s so angry he just let’s everything happen. He lets the black goop sprouting from his mouth leak out onto their pristine white floors. He lets himself thrash against the chains he’s being held in like an animal. He lets a voice that’s not his own spout profanities, empty promises of ripping these people to shreds and how the crosses on their necks won’t protect them from him. He lets himself laugh in their faces as they slip a rosary over his neck, spitting the black goop coming from his mouth into some poor girl's eye. She falls to the floor thrashing and screaming as the goop and her blood mix together.  _

_ “You mortals are so…” the voice coming from Chan pauses, like it’s searching for the right word as the small group of people panic and try to grab onto her and help her in some way. They’re all too scared to try and come close to him though.  _

_ “You’re so foolish, trying to help one another. How sweet? Trying to help my wonderful, wonderful host. You’re so dumb…”  _

_ Chan is so done. _

* * *

_ Chan’s only been here for a week and he already hates it so much, he hates how he’s on constant watch like a child might be. The workers seem to be so scared of him. In all fairness, he would’ve been terrified of himself after what had happened his first night here. _

_ He feels so empty, like there’s no hope left for him. Being here is like being on death row, he knows eventually they’ll kill him. It would be the easiest way to get rid of him and whatever is trapped inside of him.  _

_ There’s a light pounding on his door before a girl with shaky legs enters the room with a plate of food. It’s almost like she might pass out when she sees how close Chan is to where she’s supposed to drop his food off. She takes a glance over him one last time and looks like she sighs in relief when she sees his arms and legs are chained to themselves and the floor. _

_ “Hurry up, I won’t bite,” Chan says, showing that he’s just stuck with his nice non-sharp human teeth and not the sharp demon ones right now. _

_ She seems to be forcing herself over to where he is, basically throwing the plate onto the table before retreating from the room. It’s laughable how scared she was of Chan, he decides to laugh. He doesn’t get to laugh very often at this facility anyways. _

* * *

_ His head is being driven against the wall, blood rolling down the side of his temple. He wails out in pain, tears pooling up in the corners in his eyes. He wills them back, Chan doesn’t cry. The devil doesn’t cry. _

_ He can feel the black goop in his mouth start pooling in the back of his throat, now all he needs to do is be able to turn his head and spit in this guy's face. _

_ His head is smashed against the wall particularly hard and he falls to his knees, he’s feeling lightheaded and the goop just starts to leak pathetically from his mouth before he’s passed out. _

* * *

He feels Felix’s hands on his knees before he registers that he’s no longer having those horrible flashbacks. Felix is saying something, but he can’t tell what he’s saying. Chan’s eyes flutter open, now staring blankly at the orange haired boy who looks extremely worried. 

“Chan… Chan? Chan, please wake up,” Felix says, voice cracking as he shakes the humans knees. As everything starts sharpening up again he can see Felix has tears in his eyes, reaching one of his hands up to wipe at his eyes before going back to shaking the older’s leg.

Chan just barely has enough strength to lift one of his hands and place it over Felix’s smaller. This seems to be just enough for Felix as he cracks a smile and almost lunges at Chan for a hug.

“Are you okay? I’m so sorry, I should’ve stopped earlier. It’s just that I felt like I had a feel for your curse and could’ve possibly started to untangle it but half way through I started to see horns on you and thought nothing much of it then you started to start thrashing and-“ Felix hiccups and that’s when Chan feels a wet patch on his shoulder. Felix is crying. Chan wraps his arms around Felix and drags him down onto his lap. The younger boy just sobbing pathetically as he continues to repeat how sorry he is. He’s never usually lets people cling onto him like this when he’s known them for such a short amount of time… this feels right though, like Felix is meant to be in his arms.

“Hey-“ he coughs trying to clear the coarseness out from his voice, it doesn’t work too well. “Hey, Felix, please don’t worry too much. This is probably the furthest someone has ever gone with trying to get rid of my curse, and this is my second day here.”

Felix laughs at that and pulls away from Chan’s shoulder, eyes red and puffy, cheeks red, and face tear stained. Chan brings his hands to cup Felix’s cheeks and he whips away the tears that are still escaping the smaller’s eyes.

"Look you're crying too," Felix laughs, Chan laughs with him. Shaking his head, they'll try again tomorrow.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW // mentions of blood, body horror and abuse

Chan jolts awake again, his body being thrown back into the late June heat. He’s sweating more than normally, he wants to rip his clothes off. It's so hot in here. Before he has anytime to do anything irrationally and strip down naked in the middle of Felix’s office, he can feel a hand on his knee. His vision finally clears up and he focuses on Felix. The boy sitting there, waiting for Chan to tell him that he could climb up into the other boy’s lap like he normally does after their sessions. The older one doesn't really let people touch him, but Felix is different. It almost feels beneficial to sit there in each other’s embrace after sessions like this and just realize that both of them are there, together.

As soon as Chan nods his head the younger boy jumps up in excitement, climbing into Chan’s open arms. As soon as Felix is secure he shoves his face into Chan’s neck, seeming pleased with himself. It’s hot in here and their body heat against each other is uncomfortable, but neither of them have the heart to move. It’s almost night anyways, it’ll cool down then.

“Chan?” the orange haired boy asks, his voice soft and almost unsure. Not lifting his head from Chan’s neck when he asks for his attention.

“Yes Felix?” Chan responds, his own voice groggy and tired, almost like he’s just woken up. Though despite the fatigue that plagues his voice he tries to sound attentive to Felix’s words, apparently that’s enough to make Felix happy because he can feel the boy smile in the crook of his neck. His grip around Felix tightens slightly and he lets out his own smile.

“Thank you, I mean it. Thank you,” Felix says quietly, but it feels so long in the room. It rings out in Chan’s head for a second because he knows he’s done nothing for Felix to thank him.

“Why are you thanking me?” the older laughs, running a hand through Felix’s hair.

“Just don’t think about that too much, I’m just happy you’re here now,” is all Felix says before the room goes into a comfortable silence.

Chan smiles as Felix buries his face further into the older’s neck, his hot breath tickling his junction. He feels such a need to hold Felix forever and protect him, he’s so tiny. He can feel Felix’s breathing start to even out, possibly starting to fall asleep. He can’t blame Felix for doing so, the younger must be exhausted. Today was hard, he can’t deny that.

* * *

Chan was overly happy to find out that Felix had a piano in his house, noting it wasn’t technically  _ in _ the house but it was in a greenhouse connected to the house, so it was close enough. He hadn’t gotten to play the piano for years, learning it in his youth and being stripped of being able to play it only three years after he first started playing it. He would practice the motions in the monastery, when his hands weren’t tied up, which wasn’t too often. 

Though he isn’t as smooth as he used to be back in the day, he seems to be just good enough for Binnie to stick around, or maybe that was the catnip planted near the piano that he was trying to find. Nevertheless the black cat stuck around, hopping on and off of the piano frequently. Chan was just happy to have company right now.

He likes to think that if wasn’t stuck with this curse, maybe he’d be a musician. He’s known nothing more than this curse, and he knows well that it’s not good to daydream. Chan likes to think that if he ever gets healed he'll go off into the world to do something great. If there’s any room in the world for him now. Again, it’s not good for chan to get attached to his dreams.

His hand falters on the piano, pressing the wrong note, which seems to be enough for Binnie to get up from his spot curled up on top of the piano and hop down. As the black cat walks away it’s almost like his eyes sneer at Chan, judging him for getting a note wrong. 

Sometimes Chan wonders if those cats were ever human, or if they somehow are extremely smart. He knows he’s probably just imagining the sneers, the excitement and human-like traits that those cats have from his lack of actual human contact in his teen years. He’s sure of it though, he’s sure there’s just not something quite right with those cats. 

He shakes his head, sighing to himself, and finally turning back to the piano. He can’t seem to bring himself to play again, he’s not entirely sure why. He rubs at the tips of his ears, is he seriously embarrassed a cat didn’t like his piano playing skills. Apparently he is, if this is how he’s reacting.

Chan has always seemed to care a little too much about what other people thought about him, even at the monastery he cared too much. The whispers about him he heard as he walked down the hallways. The stares of horror he got from the people who would have to be caring for him for the week, because the monastery wouldn’t let him do anything by himself but would allow him to get beat up by some of the other boys there. He used to will himself not to cry, because the devil doesn't cry.

Sometimes he feels like he lost himself to the monastery, he was just a shell of the young, happy boy he used to be. He used to be able pick flowers for his mom and arrange them into a crown, now he’s too scared to even hold one in his own hands. Scared to death that somehow it’ll shrivel up just by being touched by him. Chan always seems to ruin good things, but that’s just his purpose, his curse for doing nothing. Chan has no idea what he did in his past life to deserve this, but whatever he did, he bets it was horrendous. He must have murdered a whole village.

The only reason Chan believes in reincarnation is because it’s the only thing to explain why he’s like this.

* * *

_ Chan watches, almost in amazement, as the blood rushing out from the gash his stomach starts to soak his white tee shirt. It really hasn’t settled into his mind that he’s bleeding out, possibly to his own demise. He looks up at the worker, trying to say something but the blood coming out of his mouth muffles whatever he was trying to say. The monastery worker trembles in fear, stumbling back and calling out for help. Once he reaches the door, he leaves the room, shutting Chan inside. Are they joking? They’re just going to leave him here? Of course they are. _

_ Chan is so angry he barely realizes the scent in the chamber changed slightly. Tears stream from down his face, it’s always like this. He’s always getting pushed back. Left to bleed mercilessly on the floor like he’s a rabid animal. Maybe, he’s nothing more than one. Before Chan was able to think of himself as a hero, a saint, someone who had hope and could save others. Now he’s not sure anyone could save him.  _

_ He clutches his stomach and hums something to himself silently, closing his eyes. If this is how death comes to him so be it. He deserves to die like this anyways. _

* * *

Chan wakes up tears streaming down his face, he’s alone the room is dark. He places his hands on top of his head, he feels horns. Of course he feels horns. Sometimes he wishes this was all a horrible nightmare, it never is. He always wakes up the same monster he always has been. Same sharp gnarly teeth, same long claws on his hands, same ram horns, same empty feeling in his chest. Well, at least he still is conscious like this. The time here with Felix has been paying off, he can’t stop the tears from running down his face. It’s not fair, nothing is.

He hears footsteps coming down the hall, he desperately tries to wipe the tears from his face. Felix doesn’t deserve to see him like this, it’s too late though. The door has already been cracked open and the freckled boy is already looking at him in concern.

“Chan?” Felix calls out worriedly, Chans turns away from the door. Not now, why now.

“Chan are you okay?”

No. He’s absolutely not, it’d be crazy if he was. He nods though, trying to give some reassurance to Felix. Of course, Felix comes closer not believing in it. He’s Felix of course he saw through it. The younger one comes to sit on Chan’s bed, looking at the older worriedly.

“You wanna talk? It’s okay if you don’t, just please… don’t be scared of me,” the witch says, inching closer to the demon.

“I’m the one who should have to say that to you. Felix, look at me. I’m disgusting, I’m a monster Felix,” Chan chokes out, the words just cause him to cry more. He can barely see Felix through the tears.

“You’re not a monster Ch-”

“Felix, look at me! Do you even see what I am? You can’t just say I’m not something I obviously am. Felix five words isn’t going to take back every word and action people have done to me because I’m like this,” Chan whimpers, burying his head back into the palms of his hands. 

“Felix I just want to be normal…”

**Author's Note:**

> my twt: @bussdownhoshi


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